Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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