We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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