I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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