just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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