I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
