The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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