she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
