it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
