Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
