he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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