I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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