do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
