I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize