So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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