Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
