GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
