I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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