nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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