I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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