My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
