We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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