remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize