I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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