There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
