Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
