theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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