in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
