I think my vagina is haunted
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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