Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
