you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
