this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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