I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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