Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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