She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
