It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
