I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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