never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
