Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
