It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
