I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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