i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize