Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
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