A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize