I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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