my shit smells like andre
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
