He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
