maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
