I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
