I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Bring me that man meat
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
