nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
