You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
