like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
two words: eviction party
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
