Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
