we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
