there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
now i know why i became what i already was.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize