I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
