So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
