girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I have fence marks all over my body
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
