Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
