Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize