I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
