Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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