Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
