Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
