look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
