I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
