Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
