I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
