Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Randomize
