Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Randomize
