Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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