I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize