I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
