He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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