i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
