quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
