I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
