What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
