when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
