vagina is talking i cant
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
