Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
