okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
