just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
