I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
So vagazzling was a success
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
