If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
