Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
