Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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