just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
